Unofficially Thames Rowing Club

It’s been interesting to see the Novvie IM3 4+ crew develop as both oarspersons and men over the last few months. The Ergonator has become a Teutonic comedic god, knows 3 jokes now and is slowly mastering the basics of sarcasm. Tom’s new nutty boy haircut reflects the Top Gun (ok, short-haul pilot) he has become. We already know Foo’s reading has come on leaps and bounds and on Saturday we were privy to the heartwarming sight of him making his first fumbling use of cutlery. And Karl? Well, Karl’s decided to become “Baby Foo”. Afro? Check. Beard? Check. Unfeasibly large muscles? Check. Alpha male? Beta plus plus for sure. Potty mouth? Er, no….but he’s working on it.

Who could hope to take on such rowing demi-gods? Well, I had my money on the Molesey four they met in the first round. Four to one on at Paddy Power on East Molesey high street, quids in I thought, can’t miss. But miss they did, Thames toasted them off the start and held on to win over the 800m course; 10 more metres and Molesey would have been through them. Not unlike Pinsent in ‘04, 2 billion fewer viewers and less blubbing but not far off. The Don concurred, stroking his, er, chin.

While I remember, it was good to catch up with our rivals from Twickenham too, with whom we’ve shared a few battles and whose “novvie” 4 has really kicked on this season. Genuinely touched by the support they’ve lent us in the last few regattas and I hope we’ve done the same for them. How many times do Thames crews get cheered by other clubs? Not often, and I think that’s because we’re rowing pondlife! Perhaps the two clubs can go on from here and get the Novice squads training and competing against each other next season. A challenge laid down?

Back to the action. Burway next, I think. Their 2 man had provoked the Foo’s ire – an escapee from the ashes of Sigue Sigue Sputnik (younger readers, ask your grandparents or James Elder who they were). Everyone’s favourite Melanesian coolly and calmly rationalised it as thus: “We’re going to smash those ****ing ****ers. That **** can get right off my ****ing river with a mother ****ing haircut like that. We’re going to annihilate those ****s.” True to his word, Thames did. Back to your hairspray and gel products, you post-punk fools! Thames through to the final.

Meanwhile, Fenland Polytechnic’s dev squads were cleaning up in all the events. Taking a break from studying Land Economy, sodomitic acts and spying for the Russians, the bog-dwelling fops were putting on an impressive show and knocked our IM3 ladies VIII out. Could our boys stop Granta’s winning streak?

Sadly no. Despite a spunky row Thames slipped to defeat. Our power versus their finesse? Cambridge’s greater experience certainly came to the fore. But it was encouraging to see our boys, with 9 months of rowing behind them, put on a strong show against a crew likely to have had a couple of years of experience and who’d now be boating together most days of the week.

Lastly, a big thanks to the hardy souls who braved a biting wind to stay on and support the IV. We salute you, Puppies, Cat, Rhy and The Don.

OMBA

Pictured below, members of the Novice Men’s squad give their reaction to the result of the final.